We’re back with a bigger, better and longer-lasting blog site with an all-new staff.
It’s funny how sometimes one problem can turn into two then they start piling up until it becomes what Abraham Lincoln called a “cluster fuck.” Ok, I made up that last part about Abe Lincoln but that’s what happened to us and I have to say that it stopped this site from producing more content for you … our dear readers.
Yet problems also have a way of disappearing and we are happy to report that we are back on our feet again with a new President and a new staff of horny individuals that love sex, porn and even more sex. I mean, this office is just filled with sex and porn addicts who need help right away but are too damn stubborn to want admit it. That’s Ok, though, because that’s exactly what we look for in their applications.
So we’re back, baby, and with a vengeance. If you’ve been away from us I suggest you come back soon. If you’ve been sticking around, then thank you. We love you guys and girls. We have a lot of new things in store for all of you but it’s a little too early to reveal them here.
I thought I would take this space to introduce you to the new staff here in Adult Film Haven. I’m happy to have these men and women onboard and hopefully they will not disappoint in the very least. Here’s the starting lineup:
Editor-in-Chief: E. Zacarias aka Porn Ninja – Your mild-mannered reporter from another planet. Able to sleep with two girls at once because three is pushing it. Loves to hike, swim and go cow tipping. He wishes he was David Hasslehoff just so people can call him “The Hoff.”
Managing Editor: Rebecca Mason aka Rave Siren – Being a product of the rave scene when it was overrated back in the 90s, Rebecca is a dancing queen. Her dancing skills are so good she danced for classy places such as Spearmint Rhino, The Library in Vegas and Valley Ball. On top of the fact that she’s busty and sexy as hell, she’s a really good writer. Her hobbies include knitting, roleplaying and dating black men. Here’s an anime character that best looks like her:
Reviews Editor: Rashid Bay aka Black Samurai – In his High school, Rashid is famous for being a good Varsity football quarterback but more importantly he is famous for nailing two cheerleaders, a cute nerdy girl and his school’s attractive librarian who still calls him to this day. His hobbies include white girls, Asian girls and Latina girls.
News Editor: Heidi Stutgaard aka Topless Swedish – Hey, did you know that Swedish girls are very comfortable being naked 24/7? We didn’t until we met Heidi who definitely earned her nickname. It’s distracting, really, since she’s got amazingly natural double-Ds. Her hobbies include not buying bras, that’s for sure. Here’s an anime character that looks a lot like her:
Features Editor: Uncut Hero – The Uncut Hero would like to thank his parents for not removing the foreskin from his penis. It’s a part of him that he likes the most. Sure, it might look like his penis is wearing a turtleneck, but it makes sex feel so damn good. His hobbies include skateboarding, memorizing bad jokes and wondering why the producers of Jackass didn’t accept his application.
So there you have it, folks. That’s your new crew. We have a lot in store for you and we’ll reveal it as we continue to bring you more news, reviews and sex/porn related original features. That’s our pledge to you.
Peace and love,
Zacarias
Editor-in-Chief
